Friday, 6 July 2007

One day..

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice
Having finished my A-Level exams a week ago, the daunting process of waiting begins. The 16th of August is a long time from now and the wait is mind-bogglingly unpleasant.
I had set myself the challenge of reading a book a week and writing on a daily basis, in order to re-kindle my relationship with words. However, there have been endless distractions that I hadn't anticipated, and an arrival or two that were completely uncalled for. Of course, whilst I try my very best to bury my face in books, my mind never fails to wander off and create scenarios of opening the results letter and learning of my dismal fate - despite my mind's becoming accustomed to fending off self-destructive ideas, exams have always been the shriek in my ear that I cannot muffle.
I shouldn't be so weak. I have so much to make use of, I just don't realise it.
In recent weeks, regular trips to the hospital have been a very powerful reminder of how fortunate I am. I am fortunate to have a functioning brain; I am fortunate to have a pulsating heart; I am most fortunate not to have a loved one slumped in a hospital bed, staring helplessly at people who don't appreciate what they have.
My shock was compounded by the doctor's ominous diagnosis.
"I can't be entirely sure, so I'm going to refer you to a specialist friend of mine. Don't worry, it's not going to escalate drastically."
On my way back home, I knew the doctor was serious. This wasn't a diag-nonsense. It was a real, factual diagnosis. How pathetic I've been lately. I complain of financial incompetence, educational under-achievement - turning a blind eye to the asset I should value above all, my health.
I guess it's time to wake up and not press the snooze button.
I certainly know what I have to do now. Life is too short for us to sit back and dwell on what we can't acquire or what we didn't manage to achieve. There is an abundance of things we seem to overlook in favour of the short-lived pleasures of material life.
So what if I don't go to the university of my recently-formed dreams? It won't be my first hurdle and it certainly isn't going to be the last. If I am to become the man I dream of, I have to crawl out of this mental cobweb that numbs the mind and restrains the spirit.
Irrespective of who says what, my life is what I shall make of it. Bad advice shall no longer find a listening ear, and I will do my utmost best to make the most of every inch of my rope before it snaps.


travel girl said...

In different ways, I understand that waiting can drive you nuts. You are so very right about knowing what is truly important. So often we get wrapped up in so many other things.
but, LP, are you going to be okay? My thoughts are with you. And I must say, I think you are well on your way to being a wonderful man. Give yourself some credit.

3eeraqimedic said...
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Little Penguin said...


I hope I live up to what I say.. I really want to snap out of this short-sighted view of my life.. I dont know..

but thanks for your compliment.. means a lot :)

Little Penguin said...


Today was the first time I made use of my free time.. took my little brother to watch Fantastic Four and then I hung out with some friends and came back home to play a long game of monopoly.. im exhausted, but ecstatic at having enjoyed myself! Tomorrow a relative arrives and so I've two or three weeks of donkey-work.. Ah!

My specialist appointment has been arranged.. wish me luck. If he's rubbish, i'll drop you a line.. :)

travel girl said...

I simply call them as I see them. But you are very welcome. I may not know you personally, but I believe it to be the truth...if only I were a few years younger...

Anyway thank you so much for the well wishes. And to answer your questions, the school is Norwich University and the program is a Master's in International Diplomacy with a concentration in Terrorism. I can't wait to start it!

Hope you are doing well

3eeraqimedic said...
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Little Penguin said...

Not my cup of tea but M seemed to like it.. my only consolation was the fact that Jessica Alba stars in the film.. she is such a professional! ahem.

H would love fantaskit four.. I can buy him a pirated dee-wee-dee if you dont have time to take him.. always a pleasure.

Glory Rose! said...

oh, the not so good time waiting!! I remember mine 3 years ago, and I can understand how you must be feeling now... But I am glad you are setting back your priorities... Have a blast for the rest of this period, don't think about it until you open that envelope... Whatever happens next, it's out of your hands now so don't worry about it!!

Sorry to hear about your medical situation, isa you will be just fine :) !

Now now, LP is having a crush over Jessica Alba, this piece of info can turn out to be useful some time :D!! Just kidding :P

3eeraqimedic said...
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Dreamer said...

The waiting is unpleasant. You keep thinking about your answers and you start finding new possible, maybe better answers to the questions. But that doesnt mean you didn't do well in them. So, try to forget about them and enjoy your time as much as you can.

Hope everything will turn out well, your results and the health complication.

And Monopoly is such an enjoyable game, especially if you are the banker as you have access to all the money, lol!

Take care

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Perkunas said...

Excuse my preaching, but I've recently started to meditate and it's changed my life dramatically, made me much more calm, patient, conscious, grateful. Wish I had started many years ago, but better late than never. End of sermon.

Eye Raki said...

Good luck bro

3eeraqimedic said...
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Anonymous said...

Little Penguin, how's your health? our thoughts and duas are with u. inshallah metshoof ila il kheir. let us know how ur feeling, and what the specialist said...indek il aafya

Pebbles said...

You write very well.