One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice
Having finished my A-Level exams a week ago, the daunting process of waiting begins. The 16th of August is a long time from now and the wait is mind-bogglingly unpleasant.
I had set myself the challenge of reading a book a week and writing on a daily basis, in order to re-kindle my relationship with words. However, there have been endless distractions that I hadn't anticipated, and an arrival or two that were completely uncalled for. Of course, whilst I try my very best to bury my face in books, my mind never fails to wander off and create scenarios of opening the results letter and learning of my dismal fate - despite my mind's becoming accustomed to fending off self-destructive ideas, exams have always been the shriek in my ear that I cannot muffle.
I shouldn't be so weak. I have so much to make use of, I just don't realise it.
In recent weeks, regular trips to the hospital have been a very powerful reminder of how fortunate I am. I am fortunate to have a functioning brain; I am fortunate to have a pulsating heart; I am most fortunate not to have a loved one slumped in a hospital bed, staring helplessly at people who don't appreciate what they have.
My shock was compounded by the doctor's ominous diagnosis.
"I can't be entirely sure, so I'm going to refer you to a specialist friend of mine. Don't worry, it's not going to escalate drastically."
On my way back home, I knew the doctor was serious. This wasn't a diag-nonsense. It was a real, factual diagnosis. How pathetic I've been lately. I complain of financial incompetence, educational under-achievement - turning a blind eye to the asset I should value above all, my health.
I guess it's time to wake up and not press the snooze button.
I certainly know what I have to do now. Life is too short for us to sit back and dwell on what we can't acquire or what we didn't manage to achieve. There is an abundance of things we seem to overlook in favour of the short-lived pleasures of material life.
So what if I don't go to the university of my recently-formed dreams? It won't be my first hurdle and it certainly isn't going to be the last. If I am to become the man I dream of, I have to crawl out of this mental cobweb that numbs the mind and restrains the spirit.
Irrespective of who says what, my life is what I shall make of it. Bad advice shall no longer find a listening ear, and I will do my utmost best to make the most of every inch of my rope before it snaps.
